It's apparent

It's pretty apparent that I thought what we had was way more special than you did.
It's very apparent that you were more special to me than I was to you. There's absolutely no comparison as far I'm concerned.

It's a little too obvious that you ran as far as you could.

It's apparent that I'm not handling this well, still.
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Things I'll never understand

I'll never understand how some people can treat another person like they're nothing, like they never meant anything to anyone, like they're not a daughter/son, a sister, a brother, someones best friend. How can you care about somebody for so long and then decide not to anymore? I get that feelings change, my feelings change often. But, it breaks my heart knowing that people can't stay committed or they can't give anything a chance. They take any opportunity that falls in their lap to run away. What happened to talking and working it out? Or maybe that goes back to them not caring enough.

I can't let this issue go and it's been 6 months. But, I don't feel pathetic anymore. I think there's a reason why this is always on my mind, because it's supposed to be.

I'll never forget June/ July of 2009, it changed my life.
But, not to worry I'm going to move on eventually, when I'm ready. Then again, maybe I'll never be ready and just fill the void with anyone I possibly can.



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not again

I'm sick of being second best to everyone and being treated like shit. I'm sick of being taken for granted. I know I'm not the nicest person, I'm always honest, but what the fuck. I treat my friends right. I don't care if you think otherwise. I know how to treat a friend and you obviously don't. You never really knew how to, anyway.

And I miss him again. I don't know if I'll ever not miss him. Last night was bad. One of the worst. I felt like crying but I held back my tears, it worked. But, as cheesy as it sounds I was crying on the inside. I just can't stand it. As soon as I'm trying to get over him, I take 100 steps back and I'm back to square one. I think he was the one but I know he didn't care about me. At least that's what it seems like now.
I'm pretty positive that I'm ruined for everyone else. I'm too young to feel like that.

The real reasons why I don't want to be involved with anyone:

I don't want the obligation.
I would hate to put a person through what I go through everyday.
I don't know if I can handle another heartbreak.
I'll just be really paranoid and think they'll try to leave me every chance they get.
I can't love someone if I don't consistently love myself.




I just hurt way too much.