You don't know, you can never be sure, but you take the plunge anyway.

I feel like I am grasping at something because I have never known another way.
But, I know that if I continue like this that one day I'm going to wake up and realize I'm living a lie. I don't know if maybe I should wait and see.
I'm very confused. Well, no I'm not I'm just confused at what I should do and who I should tell. I have no one to go to
with this except my boyfriend... but he's the last person I could tell.

Whatever. One day.

I may be getting too far ahead of myself...

But, I think I've found someone that feels like home again. There's never a dull moment and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard when I say goodbye after a 2 hour long phone call. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be this way, the way everything worked out. I'm guessing this is just an alternate path for me or maybe the previous one was supposed to lead me to him all along.

Since I've known him for so long I never would have expected my feelings for him to be anything other than platonic. I'm just happy to know that it's mutual.
He even wants to come visit.

New beginnings

My first week in Oregon has gone by pretty quickly. I got a job almost instantly and I even made a new friend. But, recently I've been extremely homesick. Wanting to break down and cry every second of the day. I miss my friends so much. Even though nothing has really changed back in Florida... I'm sure all of this is normal. At first, i didn't miss it at all.

I just miss my dogs I think. Being lonely is normal because I was always alone back home. I'm sure once I start work everything will be peachy!

I need some fuckin friends.

loneliness

I'm not sure if anyone knows the true sense of the word alone. It's a scary feeling that I'm quite too comfortable with. I hate it, but I don't hate it. I think I may hate it more when I leave because then I'll truly have no one.

I don't just feel alone because I have no one around me but because of the things said to me to make it impossible to feel otherwise.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.