I have tested myself in the worst ways possible. Seeing how much I can take, whether it be pain, drinking, etc., The more pain I inflict on myself the more numb I am to it. I have the mindset "if I can take this, then I can take anything," I feel almost invincible.
I know I am still young and naive but the things I've had to endure I doubt most people in their lifetime will ever experience. Lucky them. But, its made me stronger and less susceptible to be broken. Even though, sometimes, I do crack. If things keep going the way they are I have no doubt that the crack will grow until I am completely broken to the point where I can't be fixed.
I don't want to be fixed. I don't need to be saved. I've spent most of my time alone. The only thing that interests me is having nothing to do with anyone that will cause me pain. I know everyone will in some way or another, whether it be intentional or not won't matter.
How did I get this way?
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