Since I’ve moved away I’ve definitely changed the way I handle situations but that just comes with the territory of becoming an adult. I’ve also realized, and it may sound sad, that everyone in your life is pretty temporary. Well, mostly everyone. Knowing this though is better than believing that people are always going to be there for you to pick you up when you’re down. You can’t rely on another human being to do that, you have to take care of yourself. Maybe I’m just designed differently, I’m one of the very few people I know who can be your best friend but also be very detached simultaneously.
No one knows the reason I’m this way, sometimes I even have a hard time figuring it out. I just know if I’ve learned anything through my experiences this far it’s that everyone is (secretly or knowingly) looking out for themselves - even when you’re giving them everything you have. I’m still able to do this without totally being there, without completely diving into it. Which to me is impressive yet completely scary at the same time.
Scary. Scary because I really hope I change somewhat, I really hope one day I will be able to let people in and genuinely give a shit. Not that I fake it, but, it sure does seem that way with how fast I’m able to snap back. Maybe I shouldn’t call it cold, maybe I should call it fast emotional reflex?
Everyone has their hang ups and their flaws and this just a really big one of mine. I’m still a nice person though and friendly but if I can’t rely on you, which I for the most part can’t - try not to rely on me so much.
